So ... funeral.

[bktheirregular]

The service for my aunt Susan was simple. Basically, there was a series of Bible passages and readings, a slow procession from the Congregational church to the grave site, another few readings, and then everyone dispersed and re-convened for lunch after. Some family members I hadn't seen in years, some I hadn't seen in decades, some who I'd never seen before. Still, a small gathering, and not too bad, except maybe for the time we spent with the casket over the open grave.

The last funeral I went to, I saw them actually lower the casket into the ground, and it was a brutal shock to see. This time, they didn't, and I think I'm just as glad.

Talking with the family after was nice enough. The service itself, too, I suppose, though ... the passages all gave off that false ring to me. Like ... like ringing a bell and hearing a flat crack instead of a chime.

Maybe I've been over-sensitized to it, but all the passages talking about how death is not eternal - so long as you declare your fealty to Jesus Christ, so long as you accept the One True Faith ...

What's the One True Faith? There's a thousand paths that all claim to be the One True Path - and that also claim that if you choose one of the nine hundred ninety-nine other paths, you're doomed.

Problem is, when you've been raised to question everything, not to accept anything at face value without trying to look deeper, like I was...

I suppose one might say that I have hope, but not faith. Hope in what? Not quite sure. Maybe there is something beyond. Maybe it's just all dark and nothingness.

I'm not saying it's wrong for other people to have faith. I can see how it's a comfort. But it's something else to say that I have to share your faith. That's my problem with Christianity, Judaism, and Islam alike: the sense that if you don't share the faith, then you're doomed.

Swear fealty to a faith, any faith? Feels like I'm being told to gamble my soul on one Powerball ticket.

I can't stop questioning. All I can do is do my best by the people around me, and let the rest work itself out. All I've got is what I leave behind me for others. And if there's any justice,
it should be enough that I leave the world a better place than how I found it, for those who come after.

'Course, there's no justice here in the real world, except that which we forge out of our own blood, sweat, and tears...

Comments

[nycdeb.livejournal.com]

I can't speak to the details of all sects of Christianity and Islam but with very few exceptions, Judaism doesn't doom anyone for anything, try to convert anyone (in fact, most branches have strictures against just that) and doesn't require others to "share the faith."

[bktheirregular]

Fair enough. Guess I've been reading too much of the Old Testament...