Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Did I ever mention that, while in the army, I was wistful for my time at the law office, and looking very much forward to being in an environment where the truly moronic couldn't get through the door?

I take it back. I take it all back.

Submitted for your consideration: a virus hunt that ended with this incredulous statement:

"You pirated your antivirus software?!"

Punctuated with an actual honest-to-God dopesmack.