To reiterate a point:

Neither the Chicago Police Department nor the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have jurisdiction over this blog.

This announcement brought to you by the National Association for the Advancement of Bitter Singletons, a not-for-profit organization (official motto: "Celebrate Valentine's Day the old-fashioned way: kill a bunch of mobsters in Chicago.")

props to butterflykiki for the official motto...

eta: oops. credit should actually go to lizbetann...